Unsure–some uncertainties

Still working on the ones that need doing on a regular basis. But somehow I feel stuck and a bit overwhelmed. It’s discouraging not to be able to cross things off a list every so often. While I can faithfully say I’m working on something like 15 different items on a regular basis, somehow it all feels a bit unattainable. Will I really “win” the challenge in the end? It’s hard to say.

I am pumped to be getting better, but I’m also a bit frustrated. Some things are taking much longer than I had hoped, some things I am procrastinating on performing. There are definitely items on my list that are “shoulds” rather than “wants.” It’s not entirely a dream list, some of this is to help me become better and more successful — and that is part of the purpose of this.

We all wanted to get fitter, better, stronger, smarter, work more efficiently, and that’s why we signed up for this. But damn some things are a drag, and if I’m not working on 25/25 in my spare time it’s difficult not to feel like the time wasn’t wasted. And that is how I’m really bad at following my own advice. Last week, a friend was complaining to me how he was feeling so lazy. He had a million things to do, was so stressed out and yet couldn’t get much done. He felt so guilty just listening to the radio or watching thirty minutes of TV. He felt bad if he starting fiddling around with his music, even if it was just to write something down quickly. In short, he was STRESSED.

And I told him not to feel so bad, cause everyone needs veg time. Everyone needs time for themselves to process their lives and so on. Personally I need that time especially after work. I can’t do it while interacting with other people, not at the gym and not while I’m reading. But I feel bad to take that time, even though I take it anyway.

Just another reason to devote a bit more to yoga: mindfulness and kindness towards oneself are pretty necessary for life!


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