February so far for me has been a challenge. Yesterday was Yahrzeit for my mother, Reesa. Yahrzeit is a special night where you light a candle (that burns for 24 hours) in the memory of someone you lost. It has been 14 years since my mother has passed, and every year I still cry like it was yesterday. I thought that I would be OK to come to work, but unfortunately I wasn’t. Memories of her and other things started to flow, and I was tearing throughout the morning. By lunchtime I was a wreck and asked to leave. I sat in the parking lot of my workplace and just cried. I was upset at myself for not having a handle on my emotions and having to leave work because of it. As soon as I got home I wrote her a letter, something that I use to do in the past to help with the grieving. As soon as that was done I felt more at ease. I was still thinking of the past, more so of James than anything else. Today would have been our five-year anniversary, and although I have moved on and am happy, he was still a huge part of my life.
So, the plan for yesterday was to be sad and cry it all out. I woke up this morning feeling fine, and looked positively at my day/weekend ahead.
I keep a list of my 25 on 25 on my fridge as motivation, and today I crossed out #20 on my fridge. An old friend from University, Julia Gordon, recently got engaged. Our lives have never crossed paths for four years but I was determined to go out and see her. When I got to the party I was surprised to see an old friend Jameson there, but other than that I knew no one else. I started to make my rounds around the party, introducing myself to all these new faces. I have befriended two people, Nikki and Jordan. I had a blast meeting new people! I definitely want to do this more often.
I have a great weekend ahead of me. I’m going to The Everything To Do with Fred Show tonight with Ian. Tomorrow I have my SFX class (Brian will be my model!), and later on we’ll be seeing a tribute band for Led Zeppelin.
Everything is coming up Milhouse!